A Few Thoughts :: Day 311
As I was driving to pick up Alyx from school this afternoon, the sky had parted it's heavy rain clouds for bright blue skies that I'm sure mother nature had heard my pleas for. One thing I've noticed about Washington drivers, is that no one rolls their window down. Ever. As soon as the temperature rises above 50 degrees, my windows come down, and my music goes up.
That's exactly what I was doing when the image of sitting in the front passenger seat of my dad's chevy truck, hot as can be in Florida, windows rolled down, and Metallica faithfully on repeat, yet mostly unheard from the wind and road noise, came to mind. Few words are exchanged during our drives, yet none are needed. It's a time I treasure with him, a time that doesn't require words and the silence is anything but awkward.
I went into many other moments of reminiscing memories after that, but as per the past five years, one thing held strongest on my mind - Jeremy. We met nearly 5 1/2 years ago... I've been in love with him for almost all 5 1/2 of those years. I'm not one to fall quickly, and yet I knew how I felt before I could shamelessly admit it to him. Two weeks. It took me about two weeks to fall for him. To look into our lives now, I feel so complete and full of love. One difference could've changed everything, and yet, fate brought us together.
We spoke today about a few conversations I've had recently that bothered me. Where wives (one a dear friend, another a complete stranger) I know who have been with their husbands for a decade or more and spoke with no passion and no evidence of love to their spouse. It hurts my heart far more personally than it should. Relationships... Marriage... I don't take lightly. I'm passionate and I believe in them. I believe completely. I can only say this because I've seen the worst, and I've felt the worst, and I've taken my sweet time to accept marriage as an option into our relationship. I took time to know whole-heartedly that there is nothing better and that there's no settling, and to go through ups and downs enough to know that I could stay by his side and he by mine.
I'm certain there is much debate about this topic, however, mine and his is all that matters in our relationship. And when I see others, I simply keep my opinion to myself and appreciate Jeremy so much more. So when he told me today that I am the best he could ever have - a phrase I told my dad about him 4 years ago, I felt reassured. Before that, I had told him about these women who I spoke with, and their conversation with me, and these were his responses to me... "Maybe you shouldn't marry someone you're gonna get tired of... If you're not passionate it's not worth it... That's like saying you will get tired of taking pictures... You can't get tired of a job you love... You can get tired of something you aren't 100 percent sure about... But if you never settle for less than what you want....you won't get tired of it."
And again, I know that the man I'm going to marry in five months, is someone who God intentionally made just for me. A man who puts his life on the line for the sake and love of his country and family, and that even if we were to be put through more deployments, I would unfailingly love him and wait for him. I knew it 5 years ago. And I know that despite my reservations, my fears, and my past, Jeremy will always prove my doubts wrong, and be the best man for me.
